Loneliness

The topic has been hovering in my mind since I have been sent to Vijayawada for Sales Stint.

Some people say that remaining alone helps in knowing urself better...helps in improving concentration and more importantly, helps u think

Well, for me, the first one has been the only learning...and the outcome is really excruciating...its so painful that it makes me feel sad whenever I return to my place after work and especially Weekends...which till now has been dominated by sighs, blank thoughts and lot of saline from the eyes

I dont know wat others feel but my feeling has been : never ever stay alone...go somewhere, try to enjoy..But wait wait..whos preaching...i agree sheer laziness prevented me from doing these but its not always my laziness...I really dont feel like enjoying anything alone...and thats the big deterrent

I have never stayed alone barring initial few days during MBA days which mainly involved knowing my fellow roomies...ever since, its a roller coaster ride..but I have never been lonely..people have stayed with me as friend or foe...whether they criticized or loved me..they have been always there with or against me...so never felt lonely...

I dont know whether its god's grace or future planning to torment me even more that he gave me some real gem of friends whom I miss a lot now (Future planning..I said !!!)

Lying down on my bed, looking blank at the revolving fan and forcefully listening to Telugu songs from the other room (courtsey my flat mate), past continues to flood my present...PARENTS, my home at Kolkata, The boring soaps on TV, The old PC, followed by NM memories (I cant forget them even if I despreately want to...), Quad, the 5 pm lassi and bread pakoda, BEST bus to 7 Bunglows and my single room at Vile Parle, the daily walk to the college with my ipod listening only thru 1 ear (other side of earphone is dead), followed by my short stay at Bangalore..those eagerly waited weekend which has become a curse for me...KFC, Forum and all those...

And I question GOD: Is there any end to these pain? Is there any price for these sacrifices?

And suddenly I realize..the saline has started flowing and has no end too....